Reviewing 'Eclipse' is a self-alienating deed

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Directed by: David Slade
Starring: Kirsten Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Bryce Dallas Howard, Dakota Fanning
Written by: Melissa Rosenberg (adapted from Stephanie Meyer's novel)

I have to alienate virtually all tween girls when writing a review for this movie. But when you're alienating that many people, you are actually alienating yourself, ain't it?

Anyway, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse is a corny, poorly-acted exercise of a movie from which entertainment can only be derived from unintentional moments of comedy. Summit Entertainment knew it had a blockbuster in the making, and yet the studio was simply stingy, producing it with a measly $60-ish million production budget. The end result is a flick with bad CGI and bad direction which had succesfully drawn out some aforementioned chuckles from me and my friends. Consider a scene in which the Cullen Clan is chasing the villain through the woods, leaping from trees to trees. It was supposed to be a scene that could provide some cool moments, but in the end, bad CGI and action coreography got me laughing contemplatingly to the farce.

Enough with the technical issues. Aesthetically, the movie can only boast mundane dialogues and wooden expressions. Mundane dialogues... But then again they're just teenagers, so what do you expect? Right. But how about the romance? Even from the first movie I can't still figure out why Bella and Edward are so madly in love with each other; They have a generation gap between them, they don't seem to share the same sense of humor, and they are never engaged in either a lively or an interesting conversation. Everything seems forced and I'm inclined to favor Team Jacob. But ooh, Jacob. Taylor Lautner had spent months in the gym only to appear in unnecessary bare-chested scenes (obviously trying to draw out some 'oohs' and 'aahs' from the targeted tween crowd).

Finally, and inevitably (and also thankfully), comes the final showdown which is the most entertaining bit of the movie. It is an absolute far-cry from other battle scenes derived from fantasy novels, but at least the giant wolves were decently rendered and the whole thing simply didn't disappoint: the way the vampires turned into some kinds of potteries when they're killed was simply amusing to see.

I'm really sorry if I offend any of you girls with this review, but I'm just trying to represent all the guys in the world who had to sit through this. Cheers.

My Rating: 4/10